Sandra
Bernhard
by Lawrence Ferber
Sandra Bernhard has covered a whole lot of territory in
her fiercely independent career, from one-woman-shows
to Hollywood blockbusters—and she covered a lot of
geography while she was at it.
The Flint, Michigan-born Bernhard first garnered wide
attention thanks to her performance alongside Robert DeNiro
in Martin Scorsese’s twisted 1983 dramedy, King of
Comedy. Her one-woman shows, including 1988’s off-Broadway
production and its 1990 film counterpart, Without You
I’m Nothing, and the follow-up I’m Still Here…
Damn It! have brought her acerbic mix of snarky rants
and song stylings to audiences around the world.
Bernhard has appeared on a bevy of TV shows and in films,
from relatively obscure indies—Inside Monkey Zetterland,
Somewhere in the City—to uber-mainstream sitcoms
like Will & Grace and Roseanne. In the latter, she
played recurring character Nancy Bartlett, Roseanne’s
openly lesbian friend. Many, of course, remember Bernhard’s
friendship/rumored lesbian affair with Madonna.
This June, Breaking Records will release an enhanced CD
of her latest production, Everything Bad and Beautiful,
which features all-new music as well as exclusive performance
footage on DVD.
Back on the road after some years devoted to raising her
eight-year-old daughter Cicely and as outspoken as ever,
Bernhard joins us in the VIP lounge.
A review of the St. Louis lesbian
bar Attitudes, dubbed it the “Sandra Bernhard of
lesbian bars.” Where would you open official Sandra
Bernhard lesbian bars if you went franchise?
I thought [that review] was very funny. I would choose
Austin, Texas, Chicago, Philadelphia, Detroit (I’m
a Michigan girl at heart), Seattle, San Francisco, and
L.A., obviously.
What place in the world is on the
top of your list to visit, and what do you want to do
while you’re there?
My favorite place is Morocco. I’ve been there
three times. I love the food, the culture, the people,
the music, the whole vibe. Of course there are other
places I’d love to go. I haven’t seen Spain
extensively. I’d probably go down to Argentina
and Brazil.
As a well-traveled mother, which
city or state is the most progressive place to visit
with a child?
I think anyplace is. There are always pockets of
really smart, forward-thinking people wherever you go.
You have to find the right areas to hang out, the right
restaurants, and you’ll always be in your niche.
But you may actually want to see what that [less progressive]
part of the world is like and expose your kids to different
thoughts, different ideas. Expand their horizons to
know there are alternative ways of thinking and living
even if we don’t agree with them.
What are the most essential items
in your suitcase?
My books. All sorts of lip, face, and everything-under-the-sun
creams. Lotions and sprays. Gum. My Bose noise-cancelling
headphones. And I always bring my own food now: a healthy
sandwich or pumpkin seeds and organic apples. Things
that will get me through the trip and replenish my nutrients.
What is the first foreign country
you ever visited?
Israel, right after high school. I worked on a
kibbutz for eight months. I had a lot of family over
in Israel and I wanted to have that experience.
What is the first thing you do when
you get into a hotel room?
I usually unpack and get organized. On the road,
my manager and I stop at Whole Foods and get things
that are essential, so I set up my little organic eatery
and then I make it look homey and spray my incense and
oils. Get the good smells going.
When choosing a hotel, what are some
of the amenities you consider absolutely essential?
A down comforter. Good sheets. A really, really
comfortable bed. Pristine bathrooms with great towels
and a good showerhead. Decent food and decent room service.
A hotel that’s really been kept up.
If you were the president of an airline
company, what are some of the changes you would make
to improve business and customer satisfaction?
Oh, I would completely refurnish and refurbish
my fleet…I’d get a new fleet. I’d get
rid of all the DC-80s and 757s. I’d go with a much
more green, ecologically-friendly plane. I would demand
they design one that’s much more fuel-efficient.
I would design the interior so it was environmentally
friendly, from the materials used in the seats to the
amount of leg room to products in the bathroom to the
way people are brought on and off the flight. I would
make it pristine with some sort of space where people
could stretch. [I’d also provide] really wonderful
kits for face hydration, as well as healthy food: fruits,
vegetables, miso soups, and no sugar snacks or nuts
of any kind.
What elements would make the dream
turndown service?
Any kind of fabulous, organic lavender spray they
would spritz on the sheets. Some kind of rose petal
oil foot massage. Beautiful candles and some really
great classical music.
If you were stranded on a desert
island what three things would you hope to find there?
Hmm. A fabulous gourmet restaurant. A fabulous
bed. And great entertainment.
[Published:
June, 2007]
|
On
the Road, A Mini Gay Film Fest