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DESTINATION WEDDINGS
Romance in The Netherlands

by Diane Anderson-Minshall


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At the forefront of the gay marriage movement, The Netherlands became the first country in the world to expand the definition of marriage in 2001 so that same-sex couples were given equal access to the institution. The mayor of Amsterdam, Job Cohen, married six couples at the stroke of midnight on April 1, 2001. When same-sex marriage—something that’s a non-issue in his country now—became a fierce political debate after San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom legalized same-sex weddings, Cohen sent a note of support to his under-fire U.S. counterpart.

Of course, because of requirements that couples need to have lived in The Netherlands for four months prior to the wedding, same-sex marriage has seemed off-limits to all but expat gay couples. That all changed when the city of Amsterdam announced that gay couples from the other 14 nations that are members of the European Union can marry in Amsterdam without establishing residency.

Henry Krol, editor of Amsterdam gay magazine De Gay Krant (http://www.gaykrant.nl), has an even more exciting idea. He, and readers of De Krant, are helping gay and lesbian couples from around the globe marry in his hometown.

“If an American couple has a permanent address in Amsterdam, they can get married,” Krol says, explaining that De Gay Krant readers are giving American couples addresses in Amsterdam. “These foreigners have to prove that they are using the Amsterdam address for at least four months.”

Will it work? “Hell yeah,” says Krol. Though couples may be asked to stop by City Hall sometime during those months, couples will have up to three weeks to show up.

“American citizens need a permit to stay that long in The Netherlands,” Krol admits. “But it is rather easy for Americans to get that permit.”

Thank God for De Gay Krant, because Amsterdam has to be one of the most spellbinding cities in which to exchange vows. If you need more convincing, this is for you.

Why Amsterdam?
The world’s most offbeat city is also among the most romantic, especially at night when the city’s 200 canals and 1,200 bridges are aglow with hundreds of thousands of minuscule lights. The city is a bit of a free-for-all, but still offers gay and lesbian couples a chance to create their own little fairytale wedding.

What to see while you’re there
The Vincent Van Gogh and Rembrandthuis museums are natural draws, as are the canals themselves. If you’re planning bachelor or bachelorette parties, your best man may want to drag you out to the Red Light District (and who are we to advise otherwise?). Oh, and Amsterdam has a Gay Monument (Westermarkt, http://www.amsterdamtourist.nl) in honor of persecuted queers—make sure to check that out as well.

When to marry
August is Gay Pride month, and if you’ve never seen a Gay Pride parade meander down a series of canals, it’s reason enough to book your special week to overlap with that. In the Spring, flowers seem to grow everywhere, making for less expensive reception designing if you are planning a big party with lots of bouquets.

About the lingo
English-speaking city officials are helpful, but knowing a few key words in Dutch might help the process, including trouwen (“to marry”), stadhuis (“city hall”), bruiloft (“wedding ceremony”) and Ambtenaar burgerlijke stand (the marriage registrar, much like an American county clerk). It might also help to have a Dutch friend read the fine print in any of your legal agreements.

What else should I know?

The difference between civil marriage and a wedding is key. A civil marriage is a brief (usually less than ten minutes) ceremony that will pronounce you man and man or woman and woman. For some it’s the main course, for other’s a mere pit stop to a larger (sometimes religious) wedding ceremony. A religious ceremony can take place anytime up to a year after the civil ceremony.

Insider secret
Civil ceremonies are performed free in Amsterdam before 9:30 A.M. on most weekdays. Remember though, with all civil ceremonies in Amsterdam, the “I do” portion is in Dutch. Don’t forget De Gay Krant if you need residency assistance.

Who should I call?
The gay-owned Dream Weddings (Noorderkroon 41188 AC  Amstelveen. Tel: 770-10-08. http://www.dreamweddings.nl), founded by Lisa Ross-Marcus, was one of the first wedding planning agencies based in Amsterdam and worked with gay couples long before it was fashionable. The website even features a smiling pair of grooms, Ken Gould and Theo Kemperman, who, says the latter, sang the praises of Dream Weddings all across the North American continent, “showing photos of our wedding to friends and family who ‘ooh’ and ‘aahh’ at the flowers, the cake, and the relaxed smiles on the faces of the happy grooms who have not a care in the world thanks to the wedding planner who’s got everything under control!” Since July 2005, new owner Roland Vos has been the driving force behind Dream. Vos has 20 years’ experience in wedding and event planning and has worked extensively with gay and international couples as well as mixed-culture weddings. An added bonus, Vos is also a caterer who was a finalist for the 2004 Nationale Catering Award.

Where should we marry?
Several castles and historic buildings with that old world European charm (like the West Indies House) in the Amsterdam area make great wedding spots. More and more gay couples are having ceremonies at Hortus Botanicus (Plantage Middenlaan 2a1018 DD. Tel: 625-90-21 or 625-84-11. http://www.dehortus.nl), one of the oldest botanical gardens in the world. The Hortus was originally an herb garden for the doctors and pharmacists of Amsterdam. Today it boasts a Three Climates Greenhouse with tropical, subtropical, and desert sections and the most unusual Palm Greenhouse with palm trees in high Victorian style.

What about the clothes?
If you’re planning specialized wedding attire (like designer ball gowns), you’ll want to bring them with you rather than buying here since you may not have time for multiple fittings once you’re in Amsterdam. You can probably rent tuxedoes once you’ve arrived at your hotel or B&B. Best bet? Look in the yellow pages when you arrive under the category “gelegenheidskleiding.”

More reception help
To find a wedding band on your own, check out http://www.ikzoekeenband.nl. It offers music samples and play lists of local gay and straight bands. If you want to go with a more conventional wedding planner, try the American destination planning service The Wedding Experience (Tel: 877-580-3556. http://www.theweddingexpereince.com), where the Amsterdam Wedding Package will get you a ceremony, officiant, music, bouquets and boutonnieres, wedding cake, a bottle of champagne, and photography at an elegant 17th Century canal mansion for—drum roll please—under $3,000.

When calling Amsterdam from the U.S. first dial 011-31-20 before local numbers.

[Updated: July 2008]


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